Yesterday morning was stressful. Made doubly so because I had done it to myself. Once again, pride got me. Someone asked me for help, I agreed, and I got pissy about it (Now I am inconvenienced! I TOLD her I was busy today! I'll bet the baby isn't even sick!). I screamed at my kids. Complained to my husband and mother and secretary, generally injecting a little bit of poison into their days. Finally got to the office and got a phone call from someone who has left me in a very big lurch in the past and I complained about her in a very haughty way. On leaving my house again after lunch I said to my mother, "I have got to get to Mass today. I need Jesus to fix me."
Went to Mass at noon, praying that the Lord would help me get ok again. Did you ever listen to a homily and feel like all of a sudden you're the only one in the church and the homily was written just for you? A homily where you had to get the priest after Mass and say, "Thanks. I needed to hear that today?" Father preached about hitting the "spiritual snooze button," not being quick to respond to God's grace. We all do it: "OK, God, I'll pray in a minute." "I'll forgive them. Just not NOW." "I'll help them in a minute."
Finally, I got it. All morning I failed to respond to grace. How many of those moments passed me by yesterday morning: Keeping my mouth shut when I wanted to complain; stepping up for my friend cheerfully; being more patient with my sons; sparing my husband my stress on top of trying to get out the door to work on time.
Oh, how ugly I had been. Lord, I am not worthy to receive you. Only say the word, and I shall be healed. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
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