Monday, July 20, 2009

Open letter to Pennsylvania

Dear Keystone State,

I know it's been a while since we last spoke, but I've been to visit you lately and I just love what you've done with the Susquehanna River Valley. Also, I-80 was very pleasant to drive, except for that one part by Stroudsburg two Sundays ago. You remember; it was 10:00 at night and there was a traffic tie-up for no apparent reason. We spent some of that traffic jam behing a livestock truck and then another part on the side of the road. Potty training the three year old--you know how it goes.

So, last time, I wanted to let you know my opinion about the whole fireworks thing. You know how you made it legal to sell fireworks, but only to people from out of state. States like New Jersey where it is illegal to have personal arsenals of fireworks? I wonder how Ohio feels about that whole deal.... I digress.

This time, I think we really need to talk about the fact that you have legalized gambling. First it was slots at the racetracks. I think that was OK. No big deal. But now a casino in Bethlehem? With an Emeril restaurant yet?

Hello? A casino? First Connecticut with their Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun, then New York with their Yonkers casino, and now you? Boy, you think you know a state and then they go and stab you in the back. Casinos are our thing: Atlantic City. You want slots, craps, blackjack, you come to good old AC. What's next? Are you going to dump a whole bunch of sand on the banks of the Delaware River and call it the new shore? "Why drive 2 hours to the ocean when you could get to the shore on the Delaware in half the time?"

What did we ever do to you? We give you blueberries, tomatoes, peaches, good pizza, and the Sopranos and this is how you repay us? This is not being a good neighbor. You know what? You can keep your funnel cake, OK? We'll stick to our zeppoles from now on. And keep your bennies off our beaches. Maybe they can stick around Bethlehem and leave more room for the Staten Islanders. Fuggedaboudit.


1 comment:

Kim said...

LMAO! This is so true in sooo many ways! Love it!