Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Don't you just love Archbishop Sheen?

I do. Fr. Z. put up this great story:

Fulton Sheen told a story of how he was opening the door of the church where he worked in London on a foggy November morning when a young lady fell in the door. "Who are you"?

"Where am I ?" was the reply.



"Men drink because they like the stuff, women drink because they don’t like something else, what are you running away from?"

"I am involved with 3 men and they are beginning to find out and so I decided to get drunk."

"Who are you"?

She pointed across the square at a name in big neon lights. She was the leading lady at the local musical.

He brought her in and gave her a cup of tea, to which she said, "thank you".

He said, "No, don’t thank me now, come back this afternoon before the matinee and then you can thank me."

She said "I will only come back if you promise you will not ask me to go to confession."

"OK, I promise I will not ask you to go to confession."

"Say it again, you will not ask me to go to confession".

"OK, I promise again, I will not ask you to go to confession".

She came back that afternoon and he met her at the church door. He told her that there were paintings by Rembrandt and Van Dyke in that chapel and would she like to see them? She said yes.

"And as we walked up the side aisle to see the paintings, I pushed her into a confession box." ("I did not ask her if she wanted to go to confession.") "I was present three months later when she took her veil as a member of the perpetual adoration sisters where she is to this day."

Random randomness, mixed emotions edition

Baseball superstar

1. I was really happy that the local PAL started a summer league and I was gung ho about the summer season. Reality, however, has set in, and it really adds a lot to our already full summer since Scott coaches Primo's team. Have I mentioned that I haven't gone to the beach yet?

2. I am happy that my house is cleaner, but I am not happy about how much more work it is than sitting on the couch after dinner and doing nothing. I'd call the maid, but she is already here.

3. I spent last Thursday cleaning my bedroom. This room would have made Niecy speechless and I don't think that's easy to do. I sent the kids to my in-laws because I needed not to be interrupted constantly because it was THAT bad. I found random clutter in here that had been "temporarily" shuffled up here for Primo's birthday party-in JANUARY-under the random First Communion party clutter. I didn't have dust bunnies. I had dust bison. And a protective layer of dust 1/4 inch thick. I wish I were exaggerating. I am horribly, horribly allergic to dust and it was getting unpleasant to sleep in here. The good news is that I got rid of the bison and 4 bags of clothing to give away, and also 3 bags of trash and 2 huge piles of paper to be recycled. And that was all just on MY side of the room, kids. We shall not discuss the state of Scott's dresser. The bad news is that I was very wheezy and sneezy for three days while the dust settled. But now I can not only walk in here, but I can also dance if I want to.

4. We went camping with Scott's family 2 weekends ago, which was a ton of fun. But we still have all of the camping equipment in my living room. Mostly 'cause I brought the other half of it in from my car this afternoon. My wonderful hubby keeps tripping over things and complaining, but he is the King of All That Goes in the Attic. If you're falling on it, pal, it's because you haven't put it away.

5. I am very glad that Scott is working on a Master's degree, and I am proud of his 3.84 average. But it is really cramping my style. He has to do classwork and that leaves me to do a lot more around here with no one's help but the kids. And the kids try, but they are not getting that camping stuff in the attic, people!

Mommy, can I peas feed da cat now?

6. Speaking of kids, we have a new chore chart where all of the kids have jobs to do according their ability. Curly Sue pretty much just feeds the cat and puts away her toys. The boys have more to do and everyone makes 10 cents for each job they do. And it is mostly working out well because I don't feel like I have to do everything myself, even when I have to help the kids get their jobs done (they're still learning-we're only on week 1). BUT I am starting to tire of the temper tantrums they throw when I tell them I need them to unload the dishwasher or vacuum the dining room rug.

You want me to scoop WHAT?!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Open letter to Pennsylvania

Dear Keystone State,

I know it's been a while since we last spoke, but I've been to visit you lately and I just love what you've done with the Susquehanna River Valley. Also, I-80 was very pleasant to drive, except for that one part by Stroudsburg two Sundays ago. You remember; it was 10:00 at night and there was a traffic tie-up for no apparent reason. We spent some of that traffic jam behing a livestock truck and then another part on the side of the road. Potty training the three year old--you know how it goes.

So, last time, I wanted to let you know my opinion about the whole fireworks thing. You know how you made it legal to sell fireworks, but only to people from out of state. States like New Jersey where it is illegal to have personal arsenals of fireworks? I wonder how Ohio feels about that whole deal.... I digress.

This time, I think we really need to talk about the fact that you have legalized gambling. First it was slots at the racetracks. I think that was OK. No big deal. But now a casino in Bethlehem? With an Emeril restaurant yet?

Hello? A casino? First Connecticut with their Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun, then New York with their Yonkers casino, and now you? Boy, you think you know a state and then they go and stab you in the back. Casinos are our thing: Atlantic City. You want slots, craps, blackjack, you come to good old AC. What's next? Are you going to dump a whole bunch of sand on the banks of the Delaware River and call it the new shore? "Why drive 2 hours to the ocean when you could get to the shore on the Delaware in half the time?"

What did we ever do to you? We give you blueberries, tomatoes, peaches, good pizza, and the Sopranos and this is how you repay us? This is not being a good neighbor. You know what? You can keep your funnel cake, OK? We'll stick to our zeppoles from now on. And keep your bennies off our beaches. Maybe they can stick around Bethlehem and leave more room for the Staten Islanders. Fuggedaboudit.


Saturday, July 04, 2009

The Fourth of July

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed....

Friday, July 03, 2009

This never happened to my grandmother. Or my mother.

I found out a guy that I went to high school with, whom a lot of girls (including me) had HUGE crushes on, has had gender reassignment surgery. Instead of "Fred" she is now "Marsha." I saw her picture recently and she is still cute, but it is weird to see "Fred" with b**bs.

Also, I have discovered that several guys I knew in high school and college are "out."

I'm still turning this all over in my mind.

Closed comments.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Tough Crowd

Primo: Ow, I hurt my toe!

Me: Are you OK?

P: Yeah, but it hurts.

Curly Sue: Walk it off!

P: I think I have a little cut.

M: Is it bleeding?

CS: We'll cut it off and it will bleed faster!