Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Go gently, go with love.

I went to a friend of mine for Spiritual Direction today. I have never been to anyone for Spiritual Direction before, but I expected some homework. I expected to have to pray Vespers tonight and Matins tomorrow and to have to go to Mass every day at 7:30. Ok, I am a bit of an overachiever.

I went to my friend because I have felt very inadequate lately in my spiritual life. I was feeling great until about a month ago when I sinned badly enough to put myself in a bit of a tailspin spiritually. I felt distant from the Lord, even after having gone to Confession the next day. I was beating myself up pretty bad and really felt unworthy of God's love (I learned that I was on the edge of despair, a pretty serious sin) and I was desperate to get back to the light I was missing.

I came out of my meeting with 2 things: go gently and to do the things I already do for my family and for my parish with love.

Go gently: Don't beat yourself up. I told him I felt like I was a disappointment to the Lord. To which my friend said, "I am a disappointment and so are you. So is everyone!" Even though our children disappoint us, we still love them . Think about it. Your kids don't always do the things they are supposed to do, but you never stop loving them. God feels the same way about us.

Do everything with love: St. Therese's Little Way. Stay present, stay aware in all that you do and make that a prayer. When you're changing diapers, you can find God in changing the diaper. And if you get crazy and forget to stay present, don't beat yourself up over it.

So, here I go. I set out on the road refreshed and ready to go gently and presently. Pray for me. I'll pray for you.

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