Wednesday, May 12, 2010

calling it like it is

We had a fight last week. Let us make no mistake: I was 100% wrong for being as thoughtless as I was. I was glad he told me about it because I need to know when I do things that hurt him so I can avoid it in the future.

My feelings were hurt in the exchange and I nursed this hurt that night and the next morning. It was hard for me to keep remembering that I was wrong. "He shouldn't have said it that way. He's restricting my freedom. I should be able to do and say what I want. He's being unreasonable." My conscience kept prodding me: "Remember that YOU were wrong. And you hurt him badly."

And as I drove in the car that morning, late to somewhere I really didn't want to be, the Lord blessed me with this realization: "This grudge that you so tenderly nurse is the evil one at work: undermining your relationship with your husband, your marriage, and your family. Your energy is misplaced."

With that, immediately, I said, "Get behind me, Satan. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I command you to leave me alone," and the hurt I had taken care of so well for those past 12 hours evaporated.

I praise God for the grace to see the trickery of the devil for what it is. The temptation to nurse that grudge came back over the course of the day, but the temptation and the grudge were not as strong and with the same prayer the Lord dismissed them quickly.

When you have a grudge you're taking such good care of, or anger that flares within you, be quick to ask yourself where it comes from. Is it building up love? Is it advancing the Kingdom of God on earth, as all of us baptized Christians are called to do? If it is not, then call upon the Lord to deliver you from the evil one, who is tempting you.

Make no mistake, the root of your grudge, your anger, is the evil one calling you away from your work. Recognize him and call upon the Lord to put him right back in his place.


Barb, sfo said...

Thanks for this. It's so true! And I think once we realize who's truly behind all the bad feelings, we can better deal with them and heal from them.
Prayers today that you and your husband can heal the hurt.

Kate P said...

It must be our fallen nature that we have to go through something sucky like a fight to realize a greater truth. I think I needed to hear this too--I've been feeling slighted by the whole job thing but I just really need to let it go and move forward with doing my best.

brother Joseph, SFO said...

The devil is so sneaky! Remember with Eve, how he lied, "God told you you would die?! You won't die. He doesn't want you to eat it because you will be like Him!" The devil loves when he can put a root of bitterness in our hearts - when he can create distrust, anger and attack our self-esteem. He wants us to put our feelings, our 'rights' before everyone else, especially the ones most important to us. I praise God that He gave you the grace to see. I enjoyed your post and plan on following you. Maybe you can visit my blog - also a Franciscan blog - and let me know what you think. God bless you sister!