Saturday, September 03, 2005

Funny how life works

On the heels of the ectopic prgnancy comes the younger boy's second birthday party. He doesn't turn 2 for 2 more weeks, but this weekend is the only weekend that there is no Football at the DH's university, so he can be at the party.

I'm not doing as badly with the loss of this child as I did with the other 2 ( I have been pregnant 5 times), and I can think of a few reasons for that.

I sort of knew for a few days that this might be coming. The worst pain of my life which I endured on Wednesday helped me prepare, too in some weird way I don't think I could possibly explain.

And the fact that I received the Sacrament of the Sick before the surgery helpd me in a huge way. The grace I received from the Sacrament helped me deal with the fear of the surgery (there was none) and I knew that that child(ren?) would be in Paradise that day. I mourn the loss of the baby. I feel today LIke I had a C-Section, but there is no child to nurse, to kiss or cuddle. I just don't feel as depressed about it as I did the last 2 times.

I also can't help but feel like God is trying to tell me that the 2 boys He gave us is enough. I don't think it was God's will that I endure the pain or that my child died. God never willed anyone to die. You can thank Satan, and Adam and Eve for that. I believe that this preganancy could have taken if God had wanted it to. Are those divergent statements? I don't know. It's too early to make those kinds of decisions.

As for baby names, we prayed about it together and separately. I was given a boy name and DH was given a girl's. Could it have been twins? we'll pray again and I'll let you know what we come up with.

Oh, one should never post on percocet. I'm afraid I've rambled, though I have edited a bit (I know: THIS IS EDITED????)

UPDATE: I believe that we were having twins. I'm calling them Rosie and Andrew. This is NOT tragic. That just means I have 4 babies praying for me and not just 2. I can use all the grace I can get-CCD starts next week!
Viva Christo Rey!

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