Monday, May 01, 2006
In the past year and a half, I have witnessed 2 marriages break up over the husband's infidelity. Especially heinous about the situations were that each family had small children (Couple one had a 7 year old and a baby on the way; Couple 2 had a seven year old and a 2 year old).
It ripples all over the place, doesn't it? My husband and I talk about it: "How can he leave her pregnant like that? How can he force her to sell their house as part of the settlement? Can you believe he told her so matter-of-factly, 'I'm leaving and I've been seeing someone else for over a year?' I guess now she'll have to get tested for STDs." People all over the place talk about it. It makes you grateful that your husband isn't "like that." It makes you grateful your wife isn't "like that." But it makes you wonder, would you even know if your spouse was "like that?' These women didn't.
You see the man take his son to little league and think, "There's the adulterer. There's the guy who cheated on his pregnant wife and then left her." You see the woman in the grocery store and think, "Poor her. Now she has to raise them alone." There are separate pews at First Holy Communion. There are the folks who were friends with both of them. To whom do they give their allegiance: the betrayer or the betrayed? Then the friends of the friends thinking, "How can they still talk to him after what he did to her and his kids? How can you be friends with someone so selfish?"
And then the kids. They're hurt and confused. They become pawns between warring spouses, no matter how amicably they try to work out the details of the divorce. And one can't help but wonder, "Will the boys think this is OK to do to their wives? Will the girls grow up to expect this from their husbands?"
There are also times when one person chooses wrong once. They repent and then the couple should try to work it out. But here, we're talking about relationships with other wonen that they are leaving their families for.
The fact is, we don't know what was going on in that house across the street. And we can't judge his sin. Yes it is objectively wrong. But as for the judgment, we must leave that up to the Perfect Judge. You don't know what's in another man's heart. And get the plank out of your own eye first, right?
Isn't it interesting how so many claim, "What should they care? What I do in my personal life doesn't effect anyone." What we choose to do extends so far beyond our family. You neighbors and friends question how solid their own marriages are. Your kids grow up without 2 parents. What about the impact on your grandchildren from your divorce and infidelity? What about your own parents and in-laws? What we do in our personal lives does matter to other people, it does directly effect them.
It matters a lot.