Monday, April 27, 2009

Planet Selfish

Mothering Sunday, Mothering Sunday,
Oh, what gratitude --Till Monday!
Have a bit o' bliss
Each one day
Reserved as your
Intended fun day.
Nor should a normal
Got-to-run day
Silence love
Until some someday;
Nor word not light a
Desperate glum day
As we await
Your Mothering Sunday.

Is it wrong for me not to want to get together with anyone but my husband and kids on Mothers Day?

See, I am in the middle of the busiest time of the year for my job. I was thinking yesterday I'd just have everyone here (house is still clean from First Communion Party), but then Scott's mom (half an hour away) decided that she wasn't feeling very "mothers day-y" this year and that she was going to head up to her cabin in the woods that weekend (first chance she's getting all year). My mom and stepmom are in Philly and I just don't feel like spending half the day in the car. I would have them up, but my mom doesn't drive, so that means she come in Saturday on the train, stays over, then goes back on the train that afternoon (or we drive her back home because she doesn't want to hop a ride with my dad and stepmom who live 20 min. away from her).

My MIL not feeling the whole Mothers Day thing is just mind boggling. She said when Scott and I were getting married that she really wanted to see us sometime on Mothers Day weekend every year. It's just THAT important to her. At least until this year.

I have to tell you that I am so not offened that she wants to retreat this year. Because I have wanted that for a couple of years now. Last Mothers Day, I asked Scott when we would get to the point where we got to do what I want to do on Mothers' Day. And what I want to do is sit around and do big fat nothing with Scott and the kids. Or go to the beach with them after Mass. Or maybe plant the phlox I bought. Or paint my front door. But I really don't want to drive to Philly. And I'm not so sure I even want anyone else to come up here either. I just want to hole up and be with my little family.

But I want to do it guilt-free. And if I don't have my mom up (since one brother is in CA and the other brother lives on Planet Selfish), no one will visit her. I would definitely call her, and I'm sure even my brothers will, too (even Selfish brother will at least text her), but I have very complicated feelings when it comes to my mom. It's a long story that I won't go into here.
And I can't go there on Saturday because we have the boys' baseball games until 1:30 or so. Well, I probably could go there on Saturday. I just don't feel like doing that either.
So, if I don't ask anyone up, am I living on Planet Selfish, too? If I decline an invite to come down, does that make me a denizen of that terrible orb? Can I take that day off? Should I just get to Philly on Saturday and suck it up? Is it wrong for me not to want to see my family?
I am looking to be let off the hook, but I will take a swift kick in the pants, too.


Aimee said...

My feeling is that it's not selfish to want to be with just your immediate family on Mother's Day. After all, you are THEIR mother, and once you've got a house full of young kids it's hard to be super mobile.

Of course, that's what I prefer as well, so maybe that's why I feel that way?

It's easy for me to tell you "aw, just stay home," but we both know that the course of family relationships never did run smooth.

Barb, sfo said...

I'm with you. Make room on your planet for me, OK?

My mother-in-law's birthday hovers right around Mother's Day so it's always tough. We try to do that visit on the Saturday when possible. But THIS year on the Saturday we will be up in the North Jersey Boonies at a cousin's First Communion (on MY side of the family.) This might get sticky.

Our church is having a Mother's Day breakfast and I want my family to take me. Then we have 12:00 Mass. After that I just want to have a lazy day, cook something complicated and have someone else clean it up. I don't want to drive 75 to 125 miles to visit ANYONE.

I won't put it past Middle Sister's softball coach to have a game scheduled for Mother's Day. If that happens, you can count on me pitching a FIT.

MamaK said...

You know, THIS should be the type of dilemna they teach us to solve at a Catholic college ethics class.

Hmm- any chance you could have a "delayed" celebration with your mom--- i.e. you get to hang with the kids and chill on the actual Mothers day, but then on a different day you go to Philly and PRETEND it's mothers day. And go overboard with flowers or whatever your mom likes... ?

And Barb- my MIL has a bday near moms day too! They're a bit far from us, though, so we rely far too much on proflowers and godiva online!

Kate P said...

There's Planet Selfish, and there's also Planet Self/Sanity Preservation.

I have to say it's rare my family celebrates anything on the actual "correct" date because it's so hard to get people together. My mom scheduled a family party for Saturday just so she could have Sunday off, and I don't blame her. (Except both my jobs want me to work that day. Arrgh.)

MamaK said...

Hey Amy- will we get an update of how Moms Day went? or is being planned to go? Just curious :)

Amy Giglio said...

Sorry guys...

We made arrangements to meet my mom for dinner on the day before Mothers' Day and then we're going to spend the day proper at home, likely cleaning out the basement because the city is coming to pick up bulk trash on Wednesday of next week. They'll cart away almost anything we put out. Not ideal, but it will be cathartic to get some of the crap out of the house. :)

Kate P said...

Well, happy Mother's Day, Amy! (I think my mom would deem it a good day if things got cleaned out, too!)